Christians Must Always Forgive. Here's Why. A study of Matthew 18:15-35
- mww
- 1 day ago
- 17 min read
Jesus commands you to forgive. Everyone, everything, always.
Bible Study Ideas and Commentary for Matthew 18:15-35
As it sinks in to the disciples that Jesus is going to sacrifice Himself so that people's sins can be forgiven, they wonder if that means they are supposed to forgive when someone sins against them. Yup. If a so-called Christian is unwilling to forgive someone else, it casts serious doubt if they have truly asked for and experienced God's forgiveness themselves.
Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? (18:21)
This week is conflict and resolution week, so we may as well lean into it. We could all do better applying Jesus' methods of conflict resolution to our lives.
Note that I'm starting with verse 15 for my notes, not with verse 21 as is Lifeway.
It's Palm Sunday!
How might you use this event as an illustration of the point Jesus makes this week?
Getting Started: Things to Think About
What Are the Best and Worst Uses for Social Media?
This might seem like a strange place to start, but I would think it would get a conversation started. What are the best uses for social media? In my personal opinion, it's for encouraging or complimenting someone publicly.
How about the worst uses? Let me count the ways. My advice -- "think before you post" (or "think before you send") -- exists because we're much more likely to use social media regretfully than well. (Remember this post Christian Guidelines for Social Media Usage?)
One of the worst things I see is personal or private grievances being aired publicly. That's just not how Jesus said to handle conflict. But what do you think? What are the worst uses for social media?
[Note: this idea has nothing to do with the major court cases finalized this week -- Meta and YouTube Found Negligent in Landmark Social Media Addiction Case and Facebook, Instagram parent company ordered to pay $375 million for endangering children | Baptist Press. We will see where those go. I acknowledge that it's hard to get much worse than "infinite scrolling" or "child exploitation".]
What Are the Types of Conflicts You've Had This Week?
If you've been alive this week, you've had multiple conflicts. They might have been minor, but they've happened. Making yourself aware of the types of conflicts you have will help you understand how to apply Jesus' words in this week's passage.
[I should have known that "conflict resolution specialists" have systematized all of this. They offer three main categories of conflicts: task, relationship, and value. If you're having trouble remembering your own conflicts, the internet will gladly fill you in about everyone else's.]
How Do You Handle Personal Conflict?
The classic behavioral assessments often give five common approaches to conflict, usually looking like these:
avoiding
accommodating
competing
compromising (more middle-ground than accommodating)
collaborating
How about you? What's your approach to personal conflict resolution?
My assumption would be that everyone in your group is a bit different. If you are aware of the differences in your group members, you can better appreciate the discussions you will have. Hopefully, you will be able to help one another with your blind spots and possible bad habits.
How Do Christians Cause Others to Sin?
This question has more to do with the lead-in to this week's passage, but it's a topic you may want to bring up. How do Christians (or churches) cause others to sin?
This is a really tough question because we may be tempted to approach it like the rich young ruler -- "I've never done anything that directly caused someone else to sin." Okay, but how do you know the difference between direct and indirect?
Jesus says two related things in Matthew 18:
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away (lit. "to stumble") (18:6)
See to it that you don’t despise one of these little ones (18:10)
Context suggests that Christians cause others to sin
when they push others away from Christ by their behavior;
when they model bad behavior that others then emulate;
when they don't care about the well-being of other Christians.
How might that work? Have you seen it happen?
Even if you don't use this topic, it's good to have in mind when you try to explain what Jesus said to His disciples.
This Week's Big Idea: Forgiveness, Reconciliation, and Restoration
This is a critically important topic that I've soapboxed about more than a few times, so I'm not going to go into detail here. If you need a refresher, check these posts out:
In this week's passage, Jesus commands that His followers always forgive everyone.
Let me repeat. Jesus commands that His followers always forgive everyone.
Unfortunately, folks misunderstand Him. And I think it's due to these three definitions:
Forgiveness is the process by which we come to understand the offense done against us and truly release the offender from the consequences we think they deserve. All Christians are required to forgive at all times.
Reconciliation is the process of reconnecting a relationship, and it takes both parties. We can think of it as a mutual truce and desire to move forward in life (but not necessarily together).
Restoration is mutually agreed-on desire to repair a broken relationship and return to its former closeness. It's not just the idea that we can move forward, but that we will move forward together.
Do you see the difference? Some Christians wrongly believe that "forgiveness" automatically means "reconciliation" (or worse, "restoration").
You are commanded to forgive (and we will be reminded of why in this week's passage), and you have full control over your forgiveness.
But reconciliation and restoration must be mutual. If the other person isn't truly engaged in the process, it isn't really reconciliation or restoration.
While many people think of restoration as the end goal of all forgiveness, that isn't necessarily the case. Sin changes a relationship, and it changes people. Sometimes, on the other side of sin, you realize that your relationship shouldn't be returned to what it was (too much "water under the bridge" as the saying goes). That's not failure; that's shrewdness.
I want your group to understand that! But for this week's notes, I'm moving on.
Bonus Big Idea: Church Membership and Accountability
This is the context for this week's passage, so I want to spend some time with it. Last week, Jesus introduced the concept of a "church" -- the organizing principle for His followers to change the world by. This week, we're going to go into some more detail. Ask these questions and record the answers:
What is a church?
What is the structure of a church?
Who are the members of a church?
As someone with an actual PhD in Baptist theology (no, seriously), I had this rightly pounded into my head over many years, so I think it's extremely important. Here's a very basic summary that you should check your group's answers against:
First, you don't start a definition of a church with the "church" -- you always start with Jesus. Everything falls into place after that.
The two fundamental characteristics of a Baptist church are the authority of Christ as King and the authority of His Word.
Here's what I once wrote about what that means:
First, it focuses the church on Jesus. There can be no substituting focus on a charismatic teacher or preacher, no elevating of an influential leader, no promoting of any cause other than the cause of Christ. Jesus is the New Testament church’s Founder, Leader, Example, and Savior, the center of her existence and the source of her authority. Second, Christ’s lordship focuses the church on the Bible. The Bible contains positive and negative commands and guidelines for the community of Christ’s followers, and the church who claims Christ as Lord will live and die on the Word of its Lord. The Bible will be the content of the church’s teaching, the standard of the church’s living, and the measure of the church’s loving. Third, Christ’s lordship focuses the church on Christ’s kingdom, of which it is the sign and gatekeeper. Jesus inaugurated the kingdom of God on earth, declaring the blessings for those within and the consequences for those without; now, the church, as the extension of Christ in the world, must continue to declare this message. The kingdom gives the church’s message form, urgency, and power, and it gives the church hope, motivation, and an eschatological perspective on this present life.
In short, the lordship of Christ over the New Testament church, taken seriously, brings together the three dimensions of Christianity which are too often separated in modern church life, “the personal, communal and missional.” The focus on Jesus reminds the individual Christian of his personal commitment of obedience and discipleship. The focus on the Bible, written to the church, continuously reminds the individual of his relationship with the community. The focus on the kingdom reminds the church of its mission to the world and the urgency with which it exists.
If you start with Jesus, then you understand that everything you say about a church must be rooted in Jesus' lordship and His Word -- "His church, not my church".
Implication: Jesus is thus also the Lord of every person in a church -- i.e., every church member should be a Christian (in truth, not name). The first act of obedience of a disciple of Jesus Christ is believers' baptism by immersion (but more about this next week), therefore, every church member should be baptized.
Moral qualifications for church membership: repentance and faith.
Ceremonial qualification for church membership: baptism.
After all of that, we can finally offer a definition of a church:
a congregation of Christ’s baptized disciples, united in the belief of what he has said, and covenanting to do what he has commanded.
Unfortunately, Christians can't even agree on that much, which is why the rest of the discussion about churches often comes to blows. It's probably about time for me to re-offer my "What's the Deal with Denominations?" study. For the sake of actually getting to this week's passage, let me offer this wonderful summary from a trusted friend:
The New Testament church is ruled by Jesus Christ, governed by the congregation, led by pastors, and served by deacons.
There are very important things we could still say about a church -- why church autonomy is biblical; why member equality is biblical; why spiritual gifts are instrumental -- but we just don't have the time this week. Next week, when Lifeway hits us with the Great Commission as their Easter lesson, we will spend more time talking about the mission of the church.
Your takeaway for this week's passage: if every member of your church is actually a Christian (and actively following Jesus), then everything Jesus says in this week's passage will be completely natural.
Where We Are in Matthew
Last week, Matthew really ratcheted up the tension by explaining the Transfiguration. There's no coming back from that -- either Jesus is a demonic heretic of the worst kind, or He is God in the flesh. But most importantly, it became clear that Jesus' mission was not to conquer and destroy, but to sacrifice and save. That is the attitude and approach He expects His followers to have.
In chapter 18, we see all of the ways Jesus' followers get that wrong.
The greatest in the kingdom of heaven is like a little child (18:1-5) --
"And whoever welcomes one child like this in my name welcomes me."
Causing someone else to sin is very grievous (18:6-9) --
and dealing with your own sin is your highest priority.
God will drop everything to find the Christian who has gone astray (18:10-14) --
a Christian should take his influence on others very seriously.
If you didn't read my "How Do Christians Cause Others to Sin?" topic at the top, please scroll back up and do so. Jesus is sure talking an awful lot about sin and causing others to sin -- we can assume that it will help us understand this week's passage.
Aside about "Guardian Angels"
There is one passage from which people have developed an entire theory of "guardian angels" -- "See to it that you don’t despise one of these little ones, because I tell you that in heaven their angels continually view the face of my Father in heaven" (18:10).
I'm not sure how else to say this. If "their angels" are constantly in the presence of God, how are they personally guarding their ward at the same time?
Rather, we should see as another reference to the importance of "little ones" (new Christians, vulnerable Christians) to God. Think of it in terms of a mega-church. How many people in that church are actually allowed personal face time with the preacher? Very few. That's how you know how important somebody is, right? Well, the angels associated with these little ones have permanent face time with the God of the universe.
There's nothing in this passage that suggests there is a one-to-one ration between angels and people, nor that the angels are "guarding" anyone.
Some people have taken from this verse that people become angels when they die. There is nothing else in the Bible that suggests that, and there's a whole lot in the Bible that explains clearly that humans and angels are two categories of God's creation. Jesus did not become an angel to save angels; He became a human to save us.
Part 0: Taking Sin Seriously in the Church (Matthew 18:15-20)
15 If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. 17 If he doesn’t pay attention to them, tell the church. If he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector to you. 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will have been loosed in heaven. 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you on earth agree about any matter that you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there among them.
Lifeway's chosen passage for the week makes a lot more sense and has a lot more power when you include at least a brief discussion about these verses.
First: realize that Jesus is assuming that all believers in an area are in community with one another. In other words, "your brother" is a fellow church member. Keep that in mind. And guess what -- it makes no difference in today's world where your Christian neighbor might be a member of a different church. The rules don't change.
Jesus then gives the perfect model for all conflict resolution:
Bring it up directly and privately to that person. Maybe they don't know their behavior offended you. Maybe they just need an opportunity to repent.
If that doesn't work, take two "witnesses". Use the help of an outside ear to make sure you're communicating properly (btw, that's one value of marital counseling). Maybe this will lead to repentance and life change.
If that doesn't work, make it public -- and by that, Jesus means the church family. Not the rest of the world. (What would Jesus do with social media?) Let the mind of Christ that inhabits the church illuminate the fault and the resolution.
If that doesn't work, cut the sinner off from church fellowship (this is often called "excommunication", although I prefer the old Anabaptist word "ban" because they hoped the ban was temporary) -- until they repent. This isn't supposed to be punitive but rehabilitative.
This passage is important for appreciating that definition of "forgiveness" I shared above.
Forgiveness is the process by which we come to understand the offense done against us and truly release the offender from the consequences we think they deserve. All Christians are required to forgive at all times.
Jesus' process demands that you understand your grievance and are able to explain it to the person who offended you. You're not just lashing out. You're not just vaguely upset. You understand and can explain your hurt. That way, when you forgive, you're not just vaguely forgiving, you're being specific and intentional.
This context also explains verse 19 -- Jesus is talking about matters in the church. If you personally don't know how to handle a conflict in your church, together you can work that out. And if your church comes together to make the very hard decision like "banning" a church member, if you have prayed through it as a church, you can be assured that God will guide you to the proper action.
In other words, Jesus isn't saying that "if you pray for a million dollars as a church, God will give you a million dollars". He is saying that "if you pray for guidance on how to handle a difficult situation, God will guide you and support you in that decision".
Part 1: When Asked for Forgiveness (Matthew 18:21-22)
21 Then Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.
The "then" is why I gave you a Part 0 for the lesson. Peter isn't talking about random forgiveness for a random stranger -- he's talking about sin by a fellow church member, someone close to you, a fellow Christian, someone from whom this sin cuts deep.
And Peter probably feels good about himself by offering "seven times".
[Note: according to Jewish traditions of the time, 3 times was the cutoff for forgiveness. "Four strikes and you're out." So, yes, Peter was feeling good about himself.]
Don't get caught up in the mathematics of Jesus' answer (the phrase could be translated as "seventy times seven" or "seventy-seven times"). He's using Peter's words against Peter. The number "seven" doesn't come close to the limit of forgiveness, as Jesus' parable will explain.
But before we move on, I want to make sure you connect everything I've said:
forgiveness / reconciliation / restoration
church discipline / ban
Jesus has said that there is no limit to the number of times you must forgive. But if the other person does not repent, there are consequences. However, those consequences are not for you to mete out on your own -- that belongs to the church as the "representative" of God. With the counsel of others in your church, you can be assured that you are interpreting matters correctly, that you are communicating clearly, and that the other person is definitely not repentant. Then, you let the church handle consequences.
You forgive the other person.
You ask the other person to repent.
If they do, you can move forward with reconciliation.
If they don't, you get church members to help with "mediation".
If that doesn't work, it eventually becomes a church matter.
Forgiving them doesn't let them off the hook, so to speak. But no matter what, you start by forgiving.
Jesus' parable should put the "why" to rest.
Part 2 & 3: Always Forgive (Matthew 18:23-35)
23 For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before him. 25 Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 “At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan.
28 That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’ 29 “At this, his fellow servant fell down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 30 But he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. 31 When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. 32 Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.”
Yes, this makes for a long passage, but I'm putting them together. Try and stop me.
As before, don't get caught up in Jesus' math. The numbers are meant to be illustrative.
"10,000 talents" -- implied "of gold"; a talent is ~100 pounds, so we're talking about more than $60 billion of debt. It's intended to be an absurd number.
"Debt slavery" -- the very "best" slaves sold for less than a talent. The point is that there's no way this man is repaying this debt, despite what he says.
"100 denarii" -- a denarii was a day's wage for a soldier; this is not an insignificant amount, but it is insignificant when compared against 10,000 talents.
Jesus' point is simple, if memorable. This man had racked up an absurdly incalculable debt to his master. Because he begged for another chance, the master unbelievably forgave the entire debt.
But then this same man remembered someone who owed him a small debt, and he did the same thing to him but never forgave. This infuriated the master.
You shouldn't need me to tell you what this means. We are the first man. We have an incalculable debt of sin to God (truly, even a "minor" sin against an infinite God is infinite in cost). But, "Jesus paid it all". That's not just an old hymn -- it's biblical truth. You see, it cost God something to forgive our debt of sin; it cost Him Jesus. Jesus paid our debt with His very life. Our sin was immeasurable; our forgiveness is also immeasurable.
Earlier in this chapter, Jesus shared the parable of the lost sheep. Luke associates this with the parable of the "prodigal son". If you need a refresher on that, see
How might that parable give us a deeper look at what Jesus says here?
So if one of us who has experienced the forgiveness of God is unable to forgive someone who has sinned against us -- a sin that pales in comparison to what we have done against God -- then there's real problems.
That's why every Christian must forgive every sin against us.
Note: do you think this only applies to sins committed against us by fellow church members? Of course not. This principle applies to everyone in the world.
[Warning: allegory. If you attempt to interpret this parable as an allegory, you'll conclude that a Christian can lose his forgiveness. That's why we don't treat parables as allegories.]
Here's Carson's helpful note:
Jesus sees no incongruity in the actions of a heavenly Father who forgives so bountifully and punishes so ruthlessly, and neither should we. Indeed, it is precisely because He is a God of such compassion and mercy that He cannot possibly accept as His those devoid of compassion and mercy. This is not to say that the king's compassion can be earned: far from it, the servant is granted freedom only by virtue of the king's forgiveness. As in 6:12, 14-15, those who are forgiven must forgive, lest they show themselves incapable of receiving forgiveness.
This goes back to what Jesus said before our passage:
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away—it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea. (18:6)
That sounds ruthless. But that's how much God cares about His people. If you're going to harm God's people, or worse, cause them to stumble, God is coming after you.
Imagine the parable from the perspective of the second man, or from the people who saw what happened. Mortifying! What sinful thoughts or actions might have been caused because of the first man's unforgiveness? What sin might that second man have committed to repay his debt? How shaken must everyone else have felt?
Unforgiveness is disastrous for a church and disastrous for an individual Christian. And God will not stand for it.
And don't think to fool God with a childish "I'm sorry" "It's okay" performance! If you don't mean it (if it's not "from your heart"), God will know.
That should be more than enough to fill a Bible study. I'm convinced that if we got this right -- just this little, obvious thing -- 90% of the problems in our churches would be solved.
Who do you need to forgive?
Who do you need to ask forgiveness from?
Thank God for the forgiveness of your sin at the cost of Jesus Christ, and let that embolden you to take the next steps of forgiveness.